Most people, if asked, would not be able to tell you my name. I’m not talking about my Facebook name, or the countless other names I’ve associated myself with throughout the years, I’m talking about the name that’s on my birth certificate. The one that my parents spent months planning. The one that God purposed for me when He was deciding to put me in this world. This post is titled Names.. because for the next few paragraphs, I will take you through the three names that have mostly defined my life, and then explain why I have decided to take my name back.
The Story: 18 1/2 years ago, a woman and a man found out that they were going to be parents to a beautiful little girl (Ok they knew the girl part, the beautiful part was realized later). This commenced the “name game”. Books were read, advice was asked, but nothing was coming. Then one day the woman decided that she wanted something that meant strong and beautiful, but that wasn’t Alexandra. And then (so my mom says), she met one of the most beautiful women she has ever come across, and, in that moment, decided that her child would be named the same. Thus the girl was born!
Alex: Almost immediately after, people began to call said girl Alex, and she would go by this name for many years. Alex was quiet, most would say introverted; you could almost always find her with her nose in a book. She was smart and very much so in the tomboy phase. She loved Spongebob, and adored spending hours playing with her Barbies. Alex was a force to be reckoned with. She was independent, bossy even; but she didn’t care. Alex was Alex and she liked her that way…
Cea: Sometime during the Alex era, Cea was born. Now Cea wasn’t much different from Alex, but she liked her name a little better. Cea was definitely bossy, and she loved it. She had many younger peers who looked up to her, so she felt the need to mature and be the leader. Cea was constantly making up new games to play, and finding new adventures to go on. Cea was strong, and admired, and she liked that very much….
Ali: Just as quickly as the era of Cea began, it ended. Alex was revived for a little bit, but she knew it was a dying cause. Then, in high school, Alex realized that she could change, almost a “reinventing” of sorts. That’s when Ali came into the picture. Ali (Unfortunately called Ali as in Muhammad Ali at times), was very different from Alex. She was more of a girly girl, but had decided to put her dolls away. The strength was still there, but her streak of independence began to wane, and she became more of a “people pleaser”. Where as Alex was a little more quiet, Ali was outgoing, some might even call her extraverted. Ali loved to bake, and make people happy. She loved fashion and movies, but her never ceasing hunger for books was diminishing. Ali liked her name, and she thought she like herself, but she would have moments when looking in the mirror, felt the same as looking at a stranger. Then Ali began to wonder…
She began to question who she really was. Was she Alex, quiet, but independent? Was she Cea the leader? Or was she truly Ali, since most people seemed to like her that way? Then she realized was none of them apart, but all of them at once! She was not just one name, she was a name. The name that came to her mother those years ago. The name that God gave her. The name that trumped all others. But why did she let herself become divided? Why did she let people dictate who she was, because maybe they couldn’t say it right? That’s definitely not who she is. She is quiet, and introverted, but she also loves people. She is kind of a tomboy, but she can rock some heals and give make up tips. She is independent and strong, but she’s also learning what it means to listen and be vulnerable. She is all of these things, and she no longer wants to choose one name or the other; she is taking her name back….
In conclusion, don’t ever let people make you change your name. I know it sucks having to repeat it, or correct people, or in my case, write your name in phonetics for graduation. But guess what, your name is who you are. It’s not just a part of you, it is you, and if you let people change your name, you’re letting them change you. God put us here for a reason, not Alex/Cea/Ali, but me, He put me here for a reason. This is not to say that nicknames are bad, I have a few that I love (i.e. Coffee bean, bean, Gilly, etc), but they were never meant to take the place of my name; just be in addition to. Ok so, nicknames= not bad, changing your name to fit the world’s standards= not so great. And with that I will bid you all farewell.
*P.s. My name is Alexcea (pronouced Alex-see-ya)